Halfway

First, let me thank each of you for your support and sympathy. I am deeply touched by your comments here and all the emails I have received. I was especially moved by Evan's comment to the last post. If you haven't read it already, you should. My experience is a toothache compared to what this poor fellow has survived and his endurance is a model for us all. Thank you Evan!

Today marks the halfway point in my chemo and radiation therapy. So far, I have had no side effects other than fatigue. It is amazing how far advanced treatment is now compared to the 'old days'. We have a little "Breakfast Club" of patients who get their radiation treatments about the same time every morning. I'm the only guy and the only one that has to sit in the waiting room in my clown suit (gown) open all the way down the back. All the ladies are there for breast cancer radiation and thus to get to wear most of their clothes. Their strength is remarkable and all of them, like me, are determined to get through this and go on with their lives. Natalie is in treatment for double breast cancer and has already lost her son to cancer. She is our cheer leader and says that if she can live through her son's dying, she can live through anything.

Everyone is amazed that I manage to drive almost two hours to get there every morning at 9am for fifteen minutes of treatment only to turnaround and drive home again, but I really don't mind it other than losing so much productive time. I have finished three novels on CD and started my fourth today. Mostly Tony Hillerman stories. I love the way he weaves American Native folklore into the mystery stories.

Dr. Bob, who you may remember was my apprentice until he moved to Watsonville, was here this week for several days and did a yeoman's job of potting up last spring's rooted cuttings for this year. Other friends have volunteered weekends for April, and with the help of a part time 'grunt' worker, Mary, we hope to muddle through this period. So far, we have kept up with the orders by working all weekend. Now that the weather has turned warm and dry, it is not that much of a challenge. Pulling plants in full rain gear in rainy 45F weather with a 30 mph wind blowing is not my favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon.

My portable chemo pump is quite remarkable. It stays with me, and on me, 24/7 except for when I take a shower, then it hangs outside the shower door but still attached. I have to be careful not to get wrapped up in the tubing. It pumps 0.6 ml an hour of 5FU into a port in my shoulder that goes into a catheter under my skin into the vein in my neck. I get a refill and recharge every Wednesday. It has a series of warning sounds if things go wrong. This week, I was on the freeway on my way to the clinic when I heard one of those high/low sirens that European ambulances use. I could just barely hear it. I turned off the CD, looked in the mirror, no emergency vehicles. Then I scanned the dashboard to see if the car was trying to tell me something, nope, no warning lights. Finally, I realized it was me! The pump was empty and giving out this constant siren sound. Not quite sure what to do, I drove the last twenty minutes trying to ignore it until I got to the clinic where the nurse said, just take the batteries out...Oh. I can do that? Sure, it's empty, you can do that at home if you have to.

Here's  a pic of me in my clown suit next the giant radiation machine. The two halves that you see here are attached to a massive yoke so the the whole thing can rotate around your body as you lie one the table in the foreground. I am standing next to the "beam stopper". There's about a thousand pounds of lead in that big round disk. The other side is the business end that beams high energy x rays into a tight pattern that irradiates the tumor but little else. It's a fascinating machine that actually has a linear accelerator to speed the electrons into the tungsten target to generate the x rays. The doctor told me they really wanted a bigger one, but the engineers said the floor foundation wasn't strong enough to hold it!

Keeping up with the email has been a challenge, but I can do it, you just might not get a response as quickly as you are used to. Orders should not be a problem until surgery this summer, and we will just cross that bridge when we come to it.

Brent

Comments

[Andrew Kasper]

Hang in there Brent, were all behind you. Andrew

[Scott Straley]

Brent,
Good to hear you have help from Bob, Mary, and others. That's one heck of a machine-my brother is an Oncology Nurse Practitioner, I wonder if he has one of those where he works? Glad to hear you've had no side effects other than fatigue, hang in there, halfway done!

Scott

[Clyde]

Brent, I have to apologize I have not been to the blog in a while and just today see the news about your health.

You sound like you have just the right mindset to beat it. Please do keep us updated.

You are an amazing man my friend and I appreciate all you do.

[Ben Griswold]

Brent, I love the black socks. It seems every friend I have from California wears black socks? I'm a white sock guy, maybe that's just an Oregonian thing. Glad to hear people are helping you with Grunt work, Let me know if You want some speaker cds if you run out, I listen to those on my long drives a lot and could send some to you.

It sucks that people have to get sick for us to tell them that we appreciate them. Thanks for all your help answering questions and your articles, which saved me so much misery. (once I started to read them) You are a pioneer in this art, plus I just like your style, black socks and all.

[Clyde]

Brent just checking in to tell you that I have been thinking about you today and hoping all is well.

[Chris Johnston]

Brent,
I was just clicking on my bookmark to recommend your blog to someone and saw your recent posts.

Hang in there. We are all hoping for a speedy and easy recovery for you.

[BonsaiNurseryman]

Clyde

Back in the dark ages, when I was in college, I started off in the engineering school. I didn't quite fit in. Everywhere around me were guys in white starched shirts with pocket protectors, slide rules hanging from the belt, black trousers with skinny legs, black loafers, and yes, WHITE SOX. I quit engineering the second semester and haven't worn white sox since.

Brent

[Scott Straley]

Hiya Brent,
Just wanted to chime in and say keep up the battle. I'm sure you're plenty busy with this nice long spring we're having, these nighttime temps are kinda crazy, huh? Hope Susie and the dog are all well also, take care.

Scott

[Dave Glazewski]

Brent
I'm so happy that the prognosis looks good for you kicking this things butt. This past year, my younger brother had surgery for lung cancer and he's doing great and so far cancer free. It's amazing what they are doing these days.
I'm glad to see you are able to keep busy working and also keep everyone updated on your progress.
I have to smile that it seems you are well own your way to figuring out this whole process, but then again I wouldn't expect anything less.
You and Susie will both be in my thoughts and prayers
Dave

[graydon]

Well son-of-a-bitch Brent. I had no idea that you were going thru all of this. I feel isolated down here in Florida and don't seem to spend my free time checking good places like your blog. It sounds like you have a grasp on the treatment like you have a grasp on everything else in your life, and that's a good thing. To quote a cheesy 80's rock song "hold on loosely, but don't let go"...

I really hope you do get some time to do things that you deem necessary at the nursery. I remember how much you had gotten done but how much farther you needed to go - and that trying to reach the plateau of completed things was important. I was glad to be there when you realized a partial goal of cleaning out some good trees from the jungle and getting them planted. There was a twinkle in your eyes and a great spring in your step. There will be more of those for sure.

I have no idea what this year holds for me. Entertainment has been topsy turvy so far. Two major returning projects went limp and now I wait for the fall TV pilots to be green or red lighted to see if I have work or not. If things free up and I have spare time I would love to head your way and do what I can. I miss the west coast and need to get some dirt under my nails again.

Please give Susie my best, I am sure she has been a trouper throughout this ordeal. I will make sure George and Christy know about your ordeal.

Please take care - Graydon

[criss]

Brent, I just saw this after being away for months. I wish you the best and keep fighting...
criss