Death, Dying, and Now Disease Continued

Friends

In my 2009 Message, I talked about what a difficult year 2008 was and how I was looking forward to 2009. Well, it seems the difficulties are not quite over yet. In January I was diagnosed with fairly advanced rectal cancer. It will be a long battle, but the outlook is actually good that I will make a full or nearly complete recovery. Of course nothing will be certain until I have surgery, sometime this summer.

I have tried to keep up the blog posts, but now I am in full treatment mode, receiving both chemotherapy and radiation concurrently to shrink the tumor prior to surgery. Amazingly, at least to me, this won't be the ordeal that it used to be, but it will still require devoting at least half my time to treatment for the next three months. I have a portable pump that I wear around the clock that continuously injects the chemo drug 5FU into a port that accesses a vein in my neck. This should greatly minimize the side effects of getting one whopping dose every week. However, I have to have 28 days of radiation (5 times a week) which will take about six weeks. This means I will have to drive four hours a day to the nearest clinic, effectively wiping out my morning work hours. Listening to books on tape and CD does help the hours speed by, and it is a pleasant drive.

I have hired a part time helper, and with the help of friends as well, I should be able to keep the nursery open and functioning throughout most of the ordeal. The doctors want me to stay active and continue doing light work, which I intend to do. So please keep the orders coming; I also need to make a living even though insurance will cover the majority of the medical expenses. Unfortunately, this does mean that there will be (once again) a delay in getting specimen plants ready for sale at the website. But I will do the best I can and there are some plants currently in the pipeline that will be available this year.

I should be able to write the occasional blog post, but most likely I won't be posting everyday. I would also like your feedback on whether or not you would be interested in receiving periodic updates on the progress of the disease and treatment, since these are more on my mind now than bonsai. You may find it fascinating and I promise it won't be gory. Somehow, and I am not quite sure why, I have remained remarkably upbeat so far. Maybe it's because I am only going through the emotional shock so far and not much pain or discomfort yet. Otherwise, I am still fit and healthy, so I have a lot going for me.

I appreciate your support and patronage, and hopefully this will be just another bump in the road.

Brent

Comments

[Graham Hues]

Hi Brent, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep up the positive attitude and you'll be fine.
Cheers Graham

[Scott Straley]

Brent,
Hang in there, and just do your best. And yes, I vote for periodic updates on the blog when you feel up to it.
Have a good spring!

Scott

[Tim Delaney]

You kick this thing Brent. I'll be thinking good thoughts for ya.

[Irene Britton]

My Prayers are for you as well and I will add your name to the prayer group.
Updates are fine but don't dwell on any of the negative...Stay Positive in thoughts as well.
Irene

[Chris Johnston]

Brent,
I wish you all the best and a speedy recovery. Hang in there.

Chris

[Jason Gross]

I wish you the best Brent. Keep your head up and send us updates.

[Evan]

Hey Brent,

I'm glad to hear that you're not letting this get you down.

Last year, a little after my 28'th birthday I was diagnosed with advanced testicular cancer with metastasis into my brain and lung. It triggered a stroke which caused me to lose half my vision temporarily.

The Chemo was devastating and the long hospital stays were horrific. Even though people were constantly checking in on me, I still felt crushing isolation and an extreme sense of restlessness even though I could barley move. I dropped to 98 pounds and had a reaction to a drug called Bleomycin which caused my skin to distend and fall off. I had the look of death in my face and I was preparing to bid my family farewell. All I could think about was when. When will death be my lone beholder instead of all the loud machines and painful drugs.

About a month into treatment, my mother bought me a Bonsai Book and instantly realized that this was what I needed to give me peace of mind.

I stumbled across your nursery website on the hospitals internet and spent the days reading your articles and lurking on bonsai talk.

I felt inspired most importantly, I had something to look froward too. When the needles went in, or the vomiting began, I'd just imagine what it would be like to start working on a tree and how rewarding the "finished" project would be.

Those thoughts filled the dizzying blackness and despair with the kind of happiness a child has before going to the toy store.

And I attribute that to your work on the net. You're writings have really helped me get thought the long and painful hospital stays and I can't thank you enough.I really hope you get through this with ease and keep doing what you love because it is a blessing for everyone involved in bonsai.

I'm now in full remission and have received my first order from you not too long ago. The olives took well to my greenhouse and the crabs are starting to leaf. When I saw that snowdrift with a 1 and a half inch diameter trunk which I bought for dirt cheap I knew I'd be ordering again soon.

[Bob Pontis]

Evan, the story of your journey to the edge and back serves as a reminder to find joy in everyday life. Here's wishing you many more days of everyday life!

Brent, best of luck with your treatment. You'll make it through this with flying colors! Remember, take care of you first, everything else is secondary!

Bob Pontis

[Vic Neece]

Brent, I think your positive attitude that this disease is just a bump in the road of life is key to you being cancer free soon. Please keep me informed. Vic N

[Dan Dolan]

Brent,

How am I supposed to take care of all these bonsai trees if I don't have your brilliant articles, your insightful REBS style critiques and your thoughtful email advice which you have so generously provided to a stranger like me....and worse a novice! Please get well soon.
Best regards, Dan Dolan

[michael jensen-akula]

what a tough guy you are; i am a medical oncologist and i give the chemo part of your treatment; i am also a bonsai wannabe and have purchased a handful of starters from you and marvelled at your excellent ability to teach and analyze with respect to bonsai; any questions at all and i would be glad to help....